On a campus such as ours it is not infrequent that one wishes to augment one's academic pursuits with an hour or two spent daily in perusing a piece of fine literature, or perhaps a choice periodical, or even a missive received in the day's post. But always the question arises, where best to station oneself, that one may absorb to the utmost possibility the beneficial aspects to be had by such activity? Where best to experience unimpeded the flow of words, where to be free from the distractions of one's work and one's peers? How to escape the hustle bustle of daily living even for a while, to allow one's mind to grow through the expanding influences of fine writing? I know I will not be the first to suggest the lavatory as the finest of locations for private indulgence; what better place, to be insured of one's privacy? When better than the time one divests oneself of physical wastes, to replenish one's spiritual stores by consuming the fruits of world literature? It is with this in mind that we have created a guide of sorts, by which one may make certain that one's choice of literature is best enhanced by one's respective choice of lavatory.
Sadly to say, the bathrooms seem to have been of least concern to those entrusted with the upkeep of our dormitories. Of all the places where one may find oneself inspired to contemplation, the toilet is certainly foremost on the list; and yet, here on our campus, we all too often find the once lovely tiles and porcelain fixtures blocked away by unsightly industrial partitions. At whose request, I ask? If they intend to imply that we should use these facilities not alone but in groups, various community members availing themselves of the various facilities in a given room at the same time, certainly we could do without these barriers! Let us enjoy each other's company in full or not at all, I say. At any rate, one may be certain that a careful choice in location will enhance any piece of fine writing one may wish to enjoy. For example, when reading Hemingway or perhaps Jack London, one will find oneself best transported in the bathrooms of the Ravines, as these have a most rustic feel about them. For readers of science fiction or other escapist literature of the future, the bathrooms of the old gym basement may be wise, given their post apocalyptic mood. Certain places lend themselve to more utilitarian reading, as one in Olin may find oneself in the washroom reconciling oneself with whichever text was omitted from one's readings for the class which is scheduled to commence in five minutes, and a patron of Kline Commons may find it advisable to become aware of the warning labels on the bottle of indigestant one is preparing to consume. For mood enhancement, one may wish to carry one's copy of Sassy or Teen Beat magazine with them to the restrooms of Tewksbury hall, where the maturity of the residents is quite sympathetic to such pastime. Similarly, should one find oneself wishing to explore the subtle nuances of life on the third floor of Robbins, one may wish to carry one's collection of Kafka short stories into the thought chamber. Women in Aspinwall may wish to carry their D.H. Lawrence with them to the toilet, as the luxuriance of that room complements well the work of that particular author. For the men, alas there is no immediate equivalent as their own alotted space in Aspinwall is certainly among the most uninspiring on campus, a veritable appendix scar in the side of that otherwise most lovely building.
With these suggestions in mind, we hope that the reader of more than casual interest will go out and decide on their own, availing themselves of fine literature whenever they must heed the call of nature. Suggestions are of course welcome - when you find that little nook, that forgotten basement lavatory with the high window where the light cascades in over the book spread across one's lap, do let us know so that we may all share in the joys of that most pleasurable reading spot, the bathroom. Happy reading to all.