Material from the Freek

NOTE: This page is not affiliated with Bard College in any way. Neither am I, any more. Any comments, suggestions, or flames should come to me via the comment form or via e-mail to david@klatha.com

This page was never actually finished, so you will see some ugly images and broken links from time to time over the next few weeks. If there's anything listed here but not actually on line that you'd like to see, e-mail me and I'll get around to it eventually.

Table of Contents

Take a look at the Freek masthead. (This is a combined list of all editors and contributors for all the issues.) Under construction!

Shortly before issue #1 came out, a Course list addendum was distributed by campus mail. This was also a few days before registration.

[Issue #1]

Issue #1 (May 1993) contained: Bible Thumping Thesaurus Freek, by Jon Sequiera; Artificial Life at Bard; seg-o-ment; The Joy of Beer by Chris Riley; Babymammy by Bocephalus Babymammy; A Short Love Poem by Chris Elliott; Bio-Death, by Jilliot Mortkowitz; Your Friend the Coke Machine (YIP); drugs (Behemoth 2000 Macrocomputer); Untitled poem by David Loebell; "Mouse Balls" memo from IBM; An Open Challenge by Shawn Taylor; Greetings Comrades!; Migration by Denise Jacobson; Broke by Sage Jacobs; The Reverend Dr. Armadillo X; Sick of it all?. The issue contained several inserts, including a brochure from SARCASM, the Student Agitators Reacting Creatively Against Stupid Morons; a piece of "Norton Cash"; and an undescribable little booklet.


Sometime during the Fall semester 1993, we campus-mailed a memo explaining Bard's new door locking policy.

[Issue #2]

From issue #2, December 1993:

This issue also included: A warning (public service announcement); Letters; Family Circus (by OTEM & Bil Keane); On-campus services for off-campus students (by Wadys Glatson, Dean of Nonresident Life); Telephone Conspiracy (YIP); Scheißegal (Special all-German section); One on one with Matt Apple and Leon; "Beavis and Botstein" cartoon; Lament; Eugene T. Maleska Memorial Crossword by OTEM; "Neutral Current" advertisement by Jilliot Mortkowitz. This issue was sponsored in part by the anti-continental drift organization, Citizens Against Plate Tectonics, and included their brochure as an insert.

[Issue #3]


From issue #3, March 1994:


This issue also included: Meat eat manifesto, by Bing Toirobinowicz; Amber Vision Sunglasses ad (featuring Ted); Comics by Xa Amato; The Bard Superlative contest; Monkey Puzzle by Oscillations Through General Media; Breakfast Theory (from the annals of academic xerography); Faces in your Face, a public service announcement; and "Freek Disbanded?" a letter from the editors.

Issue #4 of the Freek was the "Sick of it all Revolutionary Takeover Issue", May 1994. We invaded the office of the observer and published in their place; they printed a day late. Contents: Takeover Issue! (with conspiracy theory about the death of the Kline dogs); Student Power! (Are they ignoring your opinion, too?); Thoughts on Film; Queer Positive Menage a Moi (by Evelyn Glynn Goiter); Taking Responsibility for your Plate (by Marilyn Schlectsanger); The Return of Mr. Armadillo X; Letter from Security Direktor Kim Squillace; What to do about drama majors; Misc. other inserted silliness.

Issue #5 was (a) fake and (b) not funny. A sad imitation of the real thing.

Freek Republic. A Bard Student Magazine. Tap to add one green mana to your mana pool. PLEASE REPRODUCE THIS MAGAZINE AT WILL AND DISTRIBUTE IT WIDELY. Freek Republic is published whenever we feel like it, by any means necessary, in any language that we like. You don't like it? Get your own dog. © 1993-1996. The work published herein is the work of individual authors and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, even if we do think it's pretty fuckin' funny. Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. There is no page thirteen. Freek Republic can not be exchanged for goods or services, and has little or no cash value. Please do not attempt to carry across international borders. The editors are not responsible for premature aging, flat feet, solar flares, retinal discoloration, stink-foot, toe-jam, wet hacking cough, premature ejaculation, speaking in tongues, crystallization of the liver, or gout that may result from use or misuse of this product. Ich bin cuckoo fur cocoa puffs. All submissions remain the legal and intellectual property of their authors, who retain responsibility for the content, suggestions, and liability under law for their work. They can cover their own asses.

Inquiries, commentary, Hostess snack cakes, letters, abandoned puppies, trains of thought, movie tickets, and urine samples should be sent to david@klatha.com. Or write a whiny letter to the Observer-- everyone else does.

Freek republic remains, even now, the least prestigious publication on campus, and will remain that way no matter how many rank amateurs try to flood the market with their own sad emissions.

David Chaplin-Loebell | Bard College Hijinx Page | mail david@klatha.com | comment form

This page last modified 4 August 1996.

Little known secrets of Bard # 12:
The Bard college physics professors were actually created in Jim Henson's animatronic puppet workshop.